Crossing the Finish Line

November 20th, 2013

It's difficult to believe that my time here on STINT in South Africa is coming to a close. Nick and I just arrived back to Durban today from a week long holiday/debrief in Cape Town. The trip was just amazing. We got to see some of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life. The whole experience was just incredible--full of adventure and relaxation all at the same time. We were given some debrief materials from our global missiondirectors stateside, and Nick and I both found them extremely helpful. Being the internal processor that I am,I loved thinking through the questions and getting to talk through them with Nick and bounce insights off of one another. It all still seems a bit surreal. (We will be homein 3 weeks!) After a little much needed time spent away from Durban, part of me feels like I'm going back to work tomorrow (despite work here being officially "over"). The last weekly meeting on campus was at the end of October and since then, I have started saying my good-byes to students. Overall, my last few weeks spent in discipleship with my students was such a joy and blessing. I love my disciples here with all my heart and a couple of them have grown to be my closest friends here. I am so thankful that so many of them are excited about making disciples and living for Jesus....knowing this definitely makes it a little easier to leave. I am confident that they will continue following Jesus and advancing the Kingdom. Like the rest of the year, though, my last couple months had highs and lows. I did have one of my emotional lows of the year during the end of October. I found out that one of my students who I had been discipling for several months was not actually a Christian. It's a really long story but basically I was shocked, crushed, confused and heart-broken for a few days. I just had to keep surrendering it to the Lord. Thankfully, I finally got some closure with her and God gave me peace with the situation. I trust that God is in control (something that I've had to learn over and over this year).

Yes, this year has been a crazy year of ups and downs, highs and lows, and everything in between. It's been challenging, frustrating, faith-stretching, exhausting, exciting, joy-filled.....you name it, more than likely, I experienced it (or at least I feel like I experienced every kind of emotion!) But as I have reflected upon this year and everything that the Lord has taught me, I realize that I couldn't have grown in one year in the ways I did if it had been just another year back home. I would not trade this year for anything! I know I am different and I know I have been refined and sanctified. It's definitely a bittersweet good-bye. Because I've been so shaped and changed here, I feel like South Africa will always be with me in a sense. And my hope and prayer is that I've helped shape and change the people here as well.

At this point, I'm anticipating the transition or what they call "re-entry". I know it's going to be difficult. I've processed it a bit, but I know there are some aspects of re-entry that I'll just have to deal with as I go. It's a little scary, but God has kept impressing upon my heart and mind a few words from Isaiah over the last couple weeks: "Fear not, for I am with you." (43:5) I know I'll need to remember these powerful words over and over, especially during the few months back. God is sovereign and completely in control. His timing is perfect every single time. In whatever situation I find myself in, I can be content because of Jesus. I pray I never forget these truths and never stop living them out! To the people of South Africa, thank you for sharing your lives with me. Thank you for magnifying parts of God that I had never seen before. Thank you for giving me grace and thank you for allowing me, a foreigner, to speak into your life.And to God, thank you that you made the country of South Africa. Thank you that it was Your plan to call me here and to teach me things that I would not have learned otherwise. Thank you for using these people toencourage me and sanctify me ultimately for Your glory Lord. As a result of this year and these people, I know that I know You better and in turn am able to enjoy You more, which glorifies You. Praise be unto You!!! May I never forget who You are and what You have done here.

Running the Race

September 28th, 2013

It's currently Saturday, and Nick and I have had this week off because students are on their mid-term break. I am feeling much better about these last four weeks on campus now that we have had a refreshing and relaxing and much needed break. I believe my last blog was written at a time when things were still going pretty well from the momentum of our summer project team and ministry on campus was going well. Things have been difficult since then. The last few weeks before break were really rough. Nick and I were feeling physically finished and emotionally and mentally drained. We were honestly counting down the days to break. I think I must have hit my breaking point. I remember one week I just was not feeling myself at all. Over that weekend, Nick could tell I was not doing well. I can't even explain it but I felt a bit depressed but not for any particular reason. That same weekend, I cried at just about everything andoftentimes could not pinpoint why. I think my body was just telling me I needed rest. I believe I had one more week to go at that point and the Lord brought me through faithfully, as He always does. It's the very weird reality of this STINT experience though, some days are amazing and exciting and others I'm just miserable and ready to go home. These past four weeks have been a fight for joy. I decided in my mind that no matter what was going on I was going to fight for joy and believe that true joy isfound in Christ alone and not determined by my circumstances or feelings. It's been a hard fight, but my God is faithful and He's felt nearer than ever. I've entitled this post "running the race" because I've been clinging to scriptures on this topic. The author of Hebrews encourages us to "run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus..." (12:1-2) and at the end ofPaul's life he says "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Timothy 4:7) Istarted really meditating on this stuff and it has been powerful and good for my soul. I want to be able to say that powerful statement along with Paul at the end of my life...but I also want to be able to confidently say these words at the end of this STINT year. In many ways its felt like a race Im running, and my prayer for myself is that I'd continue running with perseverance and joy as I look to Christ, that I would finish this "race" and knowI've been faithful to everything God has given me here in South Africa. When I was going through that rough patch this month, God took me to these verses and I just wept.

Insert psalm 63:1-8.

This past week of break has felt like relief anddeliverance. I am so thankful that it came exactly when it did. God always knows what we need. His timing is perfect every time, and that's worth celebrating.

When fears are stilled and strivings cease

August 9th, 2013

Wow! These past four weeks were amazing. It's now Friday and the summer project team from the States left on Monday. They had been with us for two full weeks in the community and then two weeks on campus. I'd say I'm definitely still recovering physically because it seemed like we never stopped. It was an exhausting four weeks, but honestly the most refreshing weeks I have had all year. Having Americans here doing ministry with us was incredible. I did my fair share of crying on Monday because I just didn't want them to leave! But it was also amazing how much Jesus comforted me that day. I was like "Jesus, you need to be my closest friend!!" And He was. The Holy Spirit is truly the Comforter. With His help, the few days on campus this past week without all the other summer project students was actually awesome. God's given me so much to be thankful for and excited about on campus this new semester, thanks to the summer project and how hard they worked and were willing to step out in faith. I was a bit overwhelmed at first with all the contacts we were getting on campus, but Matthew 11:28-30 has been my "go-to" scripture. I've been learning a lot about taking Jesus' yoke upon me and actually surrendering control. I've realized that I can be a bit of a control freak when it comes to certain things and God revealed to me over the last few weeks more of my idol of control, especially when it comes to ministry and even my spiritual performance. I'm learning to just walk in step with the Spirit, to abide in Christ and his teaching, and to just take His yoke upon me. It's exhausting to pull the plow if I'm trying to do it by myself or in my own strength. His yoke is easy and His burden is light indeed. A few verses from a hymn started speaking to me in a deeper way as I was experiencing all this stuff. "What heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, and strivings cease..." Oh these lyrics are so beautiful to me!! I'm learning to stop striving, to stop worrying and to just trust in the Lord. His love and peace are so amazing and overwhelming. His perfect love casts out fear. Yep, it's all these things that I've been learning these past few weeks.

Oh and the deep community I experienced while summer project was here was probably my highlight of the entire four weeks. Every Monday during project, we all divided into discipleship groups. I co-led the group with another girl my age who came from the states (who lived in South Africa for two years doing what Nick and I are doing this year). Our group had four students, two of whom were my disciples back home in Statesboro. Words cannot even express how amazing it was to study the bible and talk about spiritual things with these women!! I don't have someone discipling me here, so being with a small group of women (American women at that) was so refreshing for my heart and soul. I definitely found myself longing for home like never before. I miss home a lot. Most everything about it. I miss community with other women that I just don't really get here, I miss my staff team and my students, I miss my family, I miss my dog, and I even miss the culture in America.

About half the summer project came with me to Howard campus, and it was incredible to actually have a team to work with—I was so thankful for more laborers! Until they came to campus with me, I didn't realize just how alone I felt on campus before. I mean I technically have one other guy on staff who works at Howard with me, but I hardly see him on campus, so I might as well be working by myself. I'm the only staff woman on campus, so having seven other women join me was just unbelievable. Because of them I have a new excitement about finishing this year strong! God is doing incredible things on campus! Students are coming to faith, and student leaders are stepping up and all of them are leading discipleship groups this semester. I feel like my heart is full at the moment! I'm missing project a little bit, and I'm sure as the weeks go on, I'll be tempted to lose heart, but right now I'm pressing on with joy thanks to the Lord! Only 10 full weeks left on campus and a lot of work to do. Here goes nothin'!

The heart

July 14, 2013

It's been quite some time since I've reflected! The past few weeks have been hectic and busy with traveling for work related things. In the past three weeks, Nick and I only slept in our flat in our own bed for three nights, so it's been nice to finally be "home" again. The last week in June we had our national student conference called Ubuntu, and then we traveled to Ladysmith for our STINT mid-year conference. This past week, our American summer project team arrived in country and we all worked at an orphan and vulnerable children's camp together. We are feeling tired, especially knowing that it's go, go, go for the next three weeks with summer project.

Amidst all the different things we've been doing I feel like the Lord has just really been calling me to focus on the heart—my heart in particular. This theme started coming up during our STINT mid year conference, when all of our devotionals and time with the Lord was centered around the heart. We studied scripture based on the distant heart, the hard heart, and the desperate heart. A couple from the Pacific Southwest Region in the US came to put on our conference. They oversee the stint team in Port Elizabeth, South Africa but very graciously allowed Nick and I to join in with their mid-year. Words still cannot describe how thankful we are for these amazing people!! Honestly, we haven't felt cared for much this year and sometimes we have felt forgotten, but Jon and Ammie Eastwood just flooded us with love and care. The first night I was so overwhelmed with how much they were speaking to my heart. I hadn't really felt like anyone had engaged with my heart since we had gotten to South Africa, so it was refreshing and revived my soul. They reminded us that God is a God who sees. It was amazing to be reminded of the truth that He hasn't once forgotten us these past 6 months and that He knows the work we have done and has been with us every step of the way. That night we used pictures to describe how we were feeling and one of the pictures I used was one of a green bird sitting in the palm of someone's hand. In that moment of sharing and this couple genuinely wanting to know how we were doing, I felt so cared for by God. Not only had He provided these awesome people to minister to our hearts, but He himself was holding me in the palm of His hand. The picture truly made me think of God's sovereignty, and captures the fact that through all the challenges of this year, I have grown to experience God as Father more than ever. This conference was just a dream. We got to actually fellowship and spend time with other Americans who have also been on stint since January. It's such a unique experience, so being able to talk to other people who actually understand was so amazing. When we first arrived, Jon and Ammie told us that the goal of the conference was to rest our bodies, restore our souls, a nd renew our vision....talk about wondeful! It didn't hurt either that the venue itself was stunning and we were spoiled everyday by the food, the amazing accomodation, the wildlife during the games drives and the beautiful scenery. I couldn't stop praising Jesus that first day...it truly seemed like paradise.
Since that week, the heart has been coming up in my quiet times and our theme verse this past week at OVC Camp was Psalm 51:10. "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." I know it was not an accident that this was our verse and focus for the week with the kids. I think I am going to do a more in depth study on the heart. It's crazy how many times the heart is talked about in the Bible. My hope for the rest of this year is that my heart would stay desperate for Jesus. That I would see my need for Him everyday, through the good and the bad. I don't want my heart to grow hard as I get back into a routine, and I especially never want my heart to be callous towards the beauty of the gospel. A few days ago I was reading from 1 Kings 1-3 that gave me vision for the rest of the year. I want to be a woman after God's heart...constantly pursuing His heart each day...and "to walk before [Him] in faithfulness with all my heart and with all [my] soul..." (1 Kings 2:4). David "walked before God in faithfulness, in righteouesness, and in uprightness of heart" (1 Kings 3:6). Lord let that be true of me this semester! I just want to be faithful to You and have a heart that sees You for who you truly are.

Break Through

May 5^{th, 2013}

I'm happy to say that this past month of April has probably been our most enjoyable month here so far. There have definitely been some major highlights that I would love to share. A couple weekends ago, our church was doing an outreach in the community. More specifically it was a potjie cook-off! You're probably wondering what that means...Nick and I didn't know when we first heard either. It's basically what we would call a stew and you cook the ingredients in an iron pot called a potjie. You're not even supposed to stir it, and once the ingredients are in the pot, they cook for a few hours. We joined a couple in our life-group at the church on that Saturday. We partnered with a ministry called Isaiah House, led by a Zulu guy named Sandile and his wife Abbey, to serve the community where they are located. We had been to this area back in 2011 when we were in Durban and it's called the Valley of 1000 hills. It's absolutely beautiful, and in the valley there are several children who live in poor conditions. There are many who we would classify as orphans, but most are taken care of by relatives or friends. It's almost like everyone in the community is a big family. There were probably 8-10 teams who were cooking that day, and as the stews were cooking many children from the surrounding areas came to play. It was just amazing. I was in heaven that day as I had found a little girl named Lungi who I remembered from our last trip here. Her beauty is just breath-taking. I'm talking you look into her eyes and you see Jesus. For a few hours I just held her hand or picked her up and held her in my arms. There's something so amazing to me about being in the Valley and holding a child—even when there is a language barrier. It's maybe even more powerful when you cannot really communicate because all you can do is hold them and love them. All they want is to be loved, and they don't care if you don't speak their language. It's a beautiful picture of our Heavenly Father's perfect love for us. I don't think I experience His love more than when I'm holding one of these precious children. I left that day with my heart very full of thanksgiving. Once the stews were done cooking, we got to serve all the children who were standing around and there were a lot of children! It was awesome that we got to feed so many people in the community.

Speaking of children, in the last two weeks I have started volunteering at an orphanage called iThemba Lethu for a couple hours on Thursdays. I'm also so thankful for this opportunity because loving on orphans is just a privilege to me. There are two homes who care for these orphans and each home can hold only 6 orphans in each at a time. This Christian organization really is so amazing! These children are blessed to be here, and most of the children are adopted at a young age. Most of the children are newborns to 3 years old, and many of them are sadly abandoned and found in the community before they are taken to iThemba lethu. Volunteering there has been a blessing to me, and has defintely gotten Nick and I interested in starting the adoption process soon. We've known since we've been married that eventually we wanted to adopt, we just weren't sure when. At this point, we are very open and just waiting to see what God wants. But I was very excited to find out that it is possible to adopt from this orphanage from the States! Considering how difficult it is to adopt from South Africa, this was great news to me in case this is where the Lord would have us adopt from.

As far as an update on how the adjustment here is going, I've concluded that while I don't think Nick and I will be able to adjust fully in just a year, I think we are now entering the point where we expect certain things to happen and we are now not surprised by those things. We now see and understand the things that make it difficult for us to work here, and I think we have accepted those things now, which I think is healthy because we are able to really see the parts of the culture here that we love, enjoy and want to take back to the States with us. Ministry this past month for me on campus has really been great. I've had a lot of contact with first year students who are not yet believers but who are seeking, and I think Nick and I have seen more students trust Christ this month than in previous months. Seeing students transformed by the gospel is always exciting. There is nothing like it! It encourages me and reminds me that God is in fact in control, that He can do anything and that He uses broken sinners like me to open people's eyes to the truth. My faith is made so much stronger just by sharing the gospel with students, but I am so, so thankful that I've gotten to actually see students become new creations in Christ and walk alongside them in discipleship. One thing that has probably affected me more this month is just how prevalent false teaching and false gods are in Durban. I've been broken by how many people are in the darkness and how many people who claim Christ are teaching false theology in many churches. Some of the false religions or false teachings include the prosperity gospel (basically, believe in God and He will make you rich), Hinduism, Islam, Shembe, Ancestor worship, and the list goes on. I remember this month feeling so broken for these people but also so thankful to God that He opened my eyes to the truth! Nick and I also did a two week crash course on Muslim evangelism which has been pretty helpful. I've used what I've learned to get into a few conversations with Muslims on campus. Being here definitely makes me more heartfelt when I read God's Word or sing a song about Him being exalted above all gods or about His name being lifted high above any other name. I feel like I've been experiencing Jesus as the way, the truth, and the life on a deeper level.

I also got to speak at our weekly meeting at Howard campus yesterday. I'm not a big fan of public speaking but somehow when I get to teach the Word to a group of people, I find that I really enjoy it. That was only my second time ever giving a talk in front of a group of people, and it was a good experience for me and definitely grew me and stretched me. I'm so thankful to be used by God!

At this point, we only have three full weeks left on campus before the end of the semester. We cannot believe that our time of being on campus is almost half-way over! It has flown by! I'm grateful to God for what He has done not only in the lives of students but also in my heart. May He continue to get the glory, honor and praise that only He deserves!

"Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth!...I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations. For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds." Psalm 57:5, 9-10

Tested by fire

 April 3rd, 2013

I've begun to see that this journey (at least at the moment) is so much more about what God is doing in me. To sum up this past month in a word....probably, "patience". But wait, maybe it's perseverance, or humilty.... or joy...or what it means to be a servant. Honestly, it's all of these things. It's crazy to think about all the Lord has done in this past month just within my heart.

This month was hard...I don't know whether to say it got easier than last month. In fact, it may have gotten harder. But I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, my faith is stronger than it was last month. I'm beginning to see just how perseverance is actually working itself out in my life. Earlier this week, the Lord reminded me of several verses which spoke something new to me. James says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything..." (James 1:3-4). Then in light of our Father's great mercy and the fact that we have been born again to a living hope and to an eternal inheritance because of Christ, Peter goes on to say "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." (1 Peter 1:3-7)

I started really thinking...I want to develop perseverance and steadfastness...and I want my faith to be made stronger...but how can I expect that to happen without trials? I started to see clearly...my faith will not grow unless I'm tested. So, me going through "trials of many kinds" is actually God's goodness...it's perseverance finishing its work. In realizing this truth and embracing it, I experience JOY, not because I'm happy or excited about my circumstances, but ultimately because God loves me too much to keep me in the same place spiritually. He's actually conforming me more to the image of Christ, and that's a very exciting thing, something I desperately want. I found myself praying, Bring on the trials Lord, that my faith may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ! Honestly, a little scary to pray, but I meant it!

So that's a little peek into what my heart has been experiencing through the trials...

I'm so thankful that this month Nick and I found our church home for the next several months! Olive Tree Church in Kloof. It's just been amazing to be apart of this church. We have attended a life group the past few weeks, and we have loved every second of it. It's amazing how much stronger you feel when you are living with real, intimate community—the way Christ intended. To say that the Sunday services have been a blessing to us would be a huge understatement. The messages, all revolving around joy in Christ, have hit us dead on. It's amazing how well our Heavenly Father knows us and knows exactly what we need to hear. It's been challenging and a great reminder of who we are because of Christ. One Sunday the worship team did a song that I had never heard, yet I found myself singing so loudly and just proclaiming it because it was and is my very heart. Oh how I've grown to cherish this song, and it's been my constant companion over the past few weeks. Here are some of the lyrics...

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours, and You are mine...

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior...

And it's true...at the end of this year I would rather look back and see that my faith was made stronger through all the various trials than come to the end of the year thinking it was pretty comfortable and easy, with my heart not changed or my faith challenged. Just to give you some insight into the "trials"...basically every moment that has left me frustrated to the point of tears has been meetings among my team. We just do not see a lot of things eye to eye. We have different values. We have different ways we implement ministry. We view problems differently...and the list goes on. I've had to confess my impatience, my pride and my selfishness along the way reminding myself that "Even the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many." (Mark 10:45) I try now to go into meetings with a servant's attitude and to put my team's interests above my own, to consider them as more significant than I do myself. And I've realized that only as I am transformed by the love of Christ am I able to really love them. Another difficult thing has been the fact that we don't feel like a team at all...and by certain definitions, we aren't. Our campus team all lives far apart, we all work on different campuses, Nick and I are the only ones with a car, and we just don't spend a lot of time together at this point. So that's been hard. But this past week we had everyone over to our place for strictly a social, get-to-know-you time, and we are trying to do this every other week. It was really great! I'm hoping that as we get to know each other on a deeper level, we will feel more like a team. There are a lot of other issues that come up here that really irritate us that I won't go into, but I'm just thankful that Nick and I can share our experiences together and that I have someone here who actually understands what I am going through. And of course I am thankful even more than that that God is literally with me through it all reminding me of the big picture and that He has called me here for His purposes. When I first arrived here, I felt like the Lord was saying to me "Listen to me, follow me, and trust me." So I'm trying my best to surrender to Him daily and to look to Him to produce in me the fruit of His Spirit...love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22) As I trust in Him, I know I will be a blessing to the nations.

For His Glory

3/3/2013

I'd be lying if I told you that our experience in Durban, South Africa so far has been a dream... or that it's been everything I expected...or that it's felt like "home" as I hoped it would. The past six weeks or so have been filled with every emotion I think a human is capable of feeling. And I'm even finding it hard to find the adequate words to describe what it's been like. The first few weeks, I found myself longing for my ministry at Georgia Southern...I longed for everything about it...my staff team...my dear students...and probably most of all, the comfort of it all. And in the beginning of February, even before ministry on campus started here, I wrote a prayer in my prayer journal to the Lord expressing what I was feeling. We had just gotten back from our in country Stint-orientation. As I sit here and read my entry, I see that I was definitely struggling. I was realizing very quickly that I didn't have the comforts of Georgia Southern ministry. I felt insecure, out of control, and I was seeing the depths of my heart, which I really didn't like...I found myself already asking the Lord, "Why exactly am I here? Why did You send me?" I had been reading through the book of Exodus, and I knew it was no coincidence that I read Moses' question to the Lord in Exodus 5:22... "Why did you ever send me?" This was the question I found myself asking in my own heart already.

The Lord has continued to lead me these past several weeks in His Word in ways that I haven't experienced in a long time. When the Lord called Moses and told him what to do, Moses continued to doubt and make excuses; when things got tough and confusing, Moses asked the Lord why He ever sent him. I see so much of myself in Moses. I'm all too often insecure...all too often overwhelmed with what the Lord seems to put in front of me. But if you look on to Exodus Chapter 6, the Lord reminds Moses of His promises. And I found myself reminded once again that my God is a God who always keeps His promises, a God who says and does, speaks and fulfills (Numbers 23:19). A God who we can trust completely to lead us and guide us and who will never change His mind about us. That day as I sat before the Lord, He revealed to me that in Statesboro I may have been depending more on the comforts of ministry than on Him. And Oh how I wanted to depend on and trust only in the Lord! Well let me tell you...He has provided so many opportunities for Nick and I to trust in Him, and I am so grateful. Those first few weeks I meditated on this scripture over and over, and I am so convinced that it is true because I experienced it first-hand...

"And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail." Isaiah 58:11

God led me to this verse in a time when I felt I had no direction and no guide...and I was again reminded of His promises to me. That's really what these last several weeks have been about for me...trusting in the goodness of God and in His promises. He really is so faithful!

The truth is, it's been amazing to trust the Lord in new ways...for my faith to be stretched. I have found myself clinging to God's Word for dear life, and His words have been life for me...real, abundant life.

One of the hardest things we have had to face here is how different ministry is done. To be honest, I didn't know just how much I valued the "American" way of doing things until now. In America, we generally value independence, efficiency, and "our way" of doing things just to name a few. I didn't realize just how deep these values were ingrained in me until we started working with our team here. Also, Campus Crusade for Christ South Africa is built upon having student-led movements...and when I say student-led, I mean almost completely student-led. Because Nick and I have been "staff" for the past few years, this has been an interesting transition. We have been used to leading the movement at Georgia Southern. Sure, we train and equip leaders, but a lot of what goes on and what gets done depends on staff. Not the case here. Students plan evangelism times. Students lead prayer meetings. Students lead the weekly worship service. Without the student leaders, the whole ministry would fall apart. So it's been a little hard to adjust in that regard as Nick and I figure out what exactly our role is here. Fortunately, it's becoming clearer as we continue to do ministry. I've been personally challenged (in a good way) as I've seen just how much students own the ministry on campus. There are definitely major benefits that I want to take back to Georgia Southern for sure. I have seen what students are capable of and that is exciting. At times the way things are run on campus frustrate us because it can seem that the students do not have proper direction...but it's really because we are American and we automatically think that the way we've seen a ministry run is the right way. God has truly humbled us...and we are now beginning to embrace that God is in control and that we are here to help impact Campus Crusade for Christ here in such a way that when we leave in December, students don't need us. Our hope is that we will develop life-time laborers for Christ who are multiplying disciples...who can continue doing exactly as we were doing, without outside help. And ultimately we are all trusting the Lord together as He builds His Church. I am so thankful that He has called us here. I feel like I've learned more in these last six weeks than possibly ever before in my walk with the Lord. As I was saying in the beginning, I've experienced every emotion. Frustration, confusion, desperation, fear, anxiety, deep joy, satisfaction, excitement, and the list continues... And through it all, I can confidently say that the Lord has never left my side. Psalm 23 has been my constant companion, and it's the cry of my heart often here. I'm so thankful for God's Word. He truly is the Good Shepherd and as we trust in Him, we lack nothing.

Now after revealing my true heart and the struggles that I've experienced, I do want to document an amazing story that happened this past week. The truth is that even when we are having a hard day or we feel we've hit a wall...or even when we feel like we aren't making any real impact, God is doing so many things that we can't see. Before I tell the story, I want to share one more scripture that God basically shouted to me... well, maybe not actually shouted, but I think it hit so close to my heart that I knew He really wanted me to hear it...

"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. " 1 Corinthians 15:58

This truth keeps me going!! Nothing that I do here in Jesus' name and in His power is ever in vain. His purpose prevails. He accomplishes things even when we may not see it just yet.
So here it goes...

On the 15th of February, I met a student named Nomusa at Howard campus in one of the main lecture buildings. I sat next to her on a bench and started a conversation with her...We got to talking about spiritual things, and I eventually shared the gospel with her using the 4 laws booklet (A Campus Crusade for Christ evangelism tool that explains the gospel in 4 points). At the end I wasn't exactly sure if she was a Christian. She said she was, but it seemed like as we read it together, some new ideas were presented to her that were making her think. She seemed to still be processing some things, so I left the booklet with her and decided to get her phone number so we could meet up again and possibly discuss Jesus further. After we parted ways, I didn't end up sending her an SMS (text message). I was eventually planning on it, but I guess it slipped my mind. This past Wednesday (about 2 weeks later) I was walking through that same building where we had first met, and I noticed her sitting down. I waved and made my way over to her, excited that we crossed paths! I sat and talked with her for a little while just asking her how her lectures had been doing. I then set up a time with her for the following Wednesday to meet up again. That was that. I went about the rest of my day. On Friday morning, we have our prayer meeting with students on campus. The South African staff guy, Anele, is also on Howard's campus with me. Before we got started with prayer, Anele told me he had a cool story to tell me. Long story short, Nomusa- the girl I had met and shared with on campus- had attended this prayer meeting/bible study the night before that Anele regularly attends. He proceeded to tell me that Nomusa had stood up to accept Christ that evening!! I could not contain my excitement!! Tears were forming in the corner of my eyes. I couldn't believe what happened considering that Anele had no idea that I had previously met Nomusa and had been praying for her. After Nomusa had expressed a desire to receive Christ, Anele brought out the famous 4 laws booklet. She then proceeded to tell him "Oh, I already have one of those. Ashley gave it to me." It was then that Anele realized she was talking about me. She told him that every since I went through the booklet with her that she had really been thinking about it. I ran into her later that same day and gave her a big hug. God was already at work long before I even knew it. We may never see the fruit that comes from our sharing the gospel with someone, but it's always worth it, and it is never in vain when we do it in His power. As great as this past week of ministry on campus was for me, I'm learning to see that even if I never personally saw one person come to faith this year, and even if nothing went the way I thought it would, God is still good. He is always worthy of our worship. We must worship Him for who He is. He never changes. To God be the glory forever and ever no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in...Jesus is our only hope. He is our joy. He is our treasure. He is our reward. So why did God send me here? To put it simply and profoundly... for His glory.