The heart

July 14, 2013

It's been quite some time since I've reflected! The past few weeks have been hectic and busy with traveling for work related things. In the past three weeks, Nick and I only slept in our flat in our own bed for three nights, so it's been nice to finally be "home" again. The last week in June we had our national student conference called Ubuntu, and then we traveled to Ladysmith for our STINT mid-year conference. This past week, our American summer project team arrived in country and we all worked at an orphan and vulnerable children's camp together. We are feeling tired, especially knowing that it's go, go, go for the next three weeks with summer project.

Amidst all the different things we've been doing I feel like the Lord has just really been calling me to focus on the heart—my heart in particular. This theme started coming up during our STINT mid year conference, when all of our devotionals and time with the Lord was centered around the heart. We studied scripture based on the distant heart, the hard heart, and the desperate heart. A couple from the Pacific Southwest Region in the US came to put on our conference. They oversee the stint team in Port Elizabeth, South Africa but very graciously allowed Nick and I to join in with their mid-year. Words still cannot describe how thankful we are for these amazing people!! Honestly, we haven't felt cared for much this year and sometimes we have felt forgotten, but Jon and Ammie Eastwood just flooded us with love and care. The first night I was so overwhelmed with how much they were speaking to my heart. I hadn't really felt like anyone had engaged with my heart since we had gotten to South Africa, so it was refreshing and revived my soul. They reminded us that God is a God who sees. It was amazing to be reminded of the truth that He hasn't once forgotten us these past 6 months and that He knows the work we have done and has been with us every step of the way. That night we used pictures to describe how we were feeling and one of the pictures I used was one of a green bird sitting in the palm of someone's hand. In that moment of sharing and this couple genuinely wanting to know how we were doing, I felt so cared for by God. Not only had He provided these awesome people to minister to our hearts, but He himself was holding me in the palm of His hand. The picture truly made me think of God's sovereignty, and captures the fact that through all the challenges of this year, I have grown to experience God as Father more than ever. This conference was just a dream. We got to actually fellowship and spend time with other Americans who have also been on stint since January. It's such a unique experience, so being able to talk to other people who actually understand was so amazing. When we first arrived, Jon and Ammie told us that the goal of the conference was to rest our bodies, restore our souls, a nd renew our vision....talk about wondeful! It didn't hurt either that the venue itself was stunning and we were spoiled everyday by the food, the amazing accomodation, the wildlife during the games drives and the beautiful scenery. I couldn't stop praising Jesus that first day...it truly seemed like paradise.
Since that week, the heart has been coming up in my quiet times and our theme verse this past week at OVC Camp was Psalm 51:10. "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." I know it was not an accident that this was our verse and focus for the week with the kids. I think I am going to do a more in depth study on the heart. It's crazy how many times the heart is talked about in the Bible. My hope for the rest of this year is that my heart would stay desperate for Jesus. That I would see my need for Him everyday, through the good and the bad. I don't want my heart to grow hard as I get back into a routine, and I especially never want my heart to be callous towards the beauty of the gospel. A few days ago I was reading from 1 Kings 1-3 that gave me vision for the rest of the year. I want to be a woman after God's heart...constantly pursuing His heart each day...and "to walk before [Him] in faithfulness with all my heart and with all [my] soul..." (1 Kings 2:4). David "walked before God in faithfulness, in righteouesness, and in uprightness of heart" (1 Kings 3:6). Lord let that be true of me this semester! I just want to be faithful to You and have a heart that sees You for who you truly are.