For His Glory

3/3/2013

I'd be lying if I told you that our experience in Durban, South Africa so far has been a dream... or that it's been everything I expected...or that it's felt like "home" as I hoped it would. The past six weeks or so have been filled with every emotion I think a human is capable of feeling. And I'm even finding it hard to find the adequate words to describe what it's been like. The first few weeks, I found myself longing for my ministry at Georgia Southern...I longed for everything about it...my staff team...my dear students...and probably most of all, the comfort of it all. And in the beginning of February, even before ministry on campus started here, I wrote a prayer in my prayer journal to the Lord expressing what I was feeling. We had just gotten back from our in country Stint-orientation. As I sit here and read my entry, I see that I was definitely struggling. I was realizing very quickly that I didn't have the comforts of Georgia Southern ministry. I felt insecure, out of control, and I was seeing the depths of my heart, which I really didn't like...I found myself already asking the Lord, "Why exactly am I here? Why did You send me?" I had been reading through the book of Exodus, and I knew it was no coincidence that I read Moses' question to the Lord in Exodus 5:22... "Why did you ever send me?" This was the question I found myself asking in my own heart already.

The Lord has continued to lead me these past several weeks in His Word in ways that I haven't experienced in a long time. When the Lord called Moses and told him what to do, Moses continued to doubt and make excuses; when things got tough and confusing, Moses asked the Lord why He ever sent him. I see so much of myself in Moses. I'm all too often insecure...all too often overwhelmed with what the Lord seems to put in front of me. But if you look on to Exodus Chapter 6, the Lord reminds Moses of His promises. And I found myself reminded once again that my God is a God who always keeps His promises, a God who says and does, speaks and fulfills (Numbers 23:19). A God who we can trust completely to lead us and guide us and who will never change His mind about us. That day as I sat before the Lord, He revealed to me that in Statesboro I may have been depending more on the comforts of ministry than on Him. And Oh how I wanted to depend on and trust only in the Lord! Well let me tell you...He has provided so many opportunities for Nick and I to trust in Him, and I am so grateful. Those first few weeks I meditated on this scripture over and over, and I am so convinced that it is true because I experienced it first-hand...

"And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail." Isaiah 58:11

God led me to this verse in a time when I felt I had no direction and no guide...and I was again reminded of His promises to me. That's really what these last several weeks have been about for me...trusting in the goodness of God and in His promises. He really is so faithful!

The truth is, it's been amazing to trust the Lord in new ways...for my faith to be stretched. I have found myself clinging to God's Word for dear life, and His words have been life for me...real, abundant life.

One of the hardest things we have had to face here is how different ministry is done. To be honest, I didn't know just how much I valued the "American" way of doing things until now. In America, we generally value independence, efficiency, and "our way" of doing things just to name a few. I didn't realize just how deep these values were ingrained in me until we started working with our team here. Also, Campus Crusade for Christ South Africa is built upon having student-led movements...and when I say student-led, I mean almost completely student-led. Because Nick and I have been "staff" for the past few years, this has been an interesting transition. We have been used to leading the movement at Georgia Southern. Sure, we train and equip leaders, but a lot of what goes on and what gets done depends on staff. Not the case here. Students plan evangelism times. Students lead prayer meetings. Students lead the weekly worship service. Without the student leaders, the whole ministry would fall apart. So it's been a little hard to adjust in that regard as Nick and I figure out what exactly our role is here. Fortunately, it's becoming clearer as we continue to do ministry. I've been personally challenged (in a good way) as I've seen just how much students own the ministry on campus. There are definitely major benefits that I want to take back to Georgia Southern for sure. I have seen what students are capable of and that is exciting. At times the way things are run on campus frustrate us because it can seem that the students do not have proper direction...but it's really because we are American and we automatically think that the way we've seen a ministry run is the right way. God has truly humbled us...and we are now beginning to embrace that God is in control and that we are here to help impact Campus Crusade for Christ here in such a way that when we leave in December, students don't need us. Our hope is that we will develop life-time laborers for Christ who are multiplying disciples...who can continue doing exactly as we were doing, without outside help. And ultimately we are all trusting the Lord together as He builds His Church. I am so thankful that He has called us here. I feel like I've learned more in these last six weeks than possibly ever before in my walk with the Lord. As I was saying in the beginning, I've experienced every emotion. Frustration, confusion, desperation, fear, anxiety, deep joy, satisfaction, excitement, and the list continues... And through it all, I can confidently say that the Lord has never left my side. Psalm 23 has been my constant companion, and it's the cry of my heart often here. I'm so thankful for God's Word. He truly is the Good Shepherd and as we trust in Him, we lack nothing.

Now after revealing my true heart and the struggles that I've experienced, I do want to document an amazing story that happened this past week. The truth is that even when we are having a hard day or we feel we've hit a wall...or even when we feel like we aren't making any real impact, God is doing so many things that we can't see. Before I tell the story, I want to share one more scripture that God basically shouted to me... well, maybe not actually shouted, but I think it hit so close to my heart that I knew He really wanted me to hear it...

"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. " 1 Corinthians 15:58

This truth keeps me going!! Nothing that I do here in Jesus' name and in His power is ever in vain. His purpose prevails. He accomplishes things even when we may not see it just yet.
So here it goes...

On the 15th of February, I met a student named Nomusa at Howard campus in one of the main lecture buildings. I sat next to her on a bench and started a conversation with her...We got to talking about spiritual things, and I eventually shared the gospel with her using the 4 laws booklet (A Campus Crusade for Christ evangelism tool that explains the gospel in 4 points). At the end I wasn't exactly sure if she was a Christian. She said she was, but it seemed like as we read it together, some new ideas were presented to her that were making her think. She seemed to still be processing some things, so I left the booklet with her and decided to get her phone number so we could meet up again and possibly discuss Jesus further. After we parted ways, I didn't end up sending her an SMS (text message). I was eventually planning on it, but I guess it slipped my mind. This past Wednesday (about 2 weeks later) I was walking through that same building where we had first met, and I noticed her sitting down. I waved and made my way over to her, excited that we crossed paths! I sat and talked with her for a little while just asking her how her lectures had been doing. I then set up a time with her for the following Wednesday to meet up again. That was that. I went about the rest of my day. On Friday morning, we have our prayer meeting with students on campus. The South African staff guy, Anele, is also on Howard's campus with me. Before we got started with prayer, Anele told me he had a cool story to tell me. Long story short, Nomusa- the girl I had met and shared with on campus- had attended this prayer meeting/bible study the night before that Anele regularly attends. He proceeded to tell me that Nomusa had stood up to accept Christ that evening!! I could not contain my excitement!! Tears were forming in the corner of my eyes. I couldn't believe what happened considering that Anele had no idea that I had previously met Nomusa and had been praying for her. After Nomusa had expressed a desire to receive Christ, Anele brought out the famous 4 laws booklet. She then proceeded to tell him "Oh, I already have one of those. Ashley gave it to me." It was then that Anele realized she was talking about me. She told him that every since I went through the booklet with her that she had really been thinking about it. I ran into her later that same day and gave her a big hug. God was already at work long before I even knew it. We may never see the fruit that comes from our sharing the gospel with someone, but it's always worth it, and it is never in vain when we do it in His power. As great as this past week of ministry on campus was for me, I'm learning to see that even if I never personally saw one person come to faith this year, and even if nothing went the way I thought it would, God is still good. He is always worthy of our worship. We must worship Him for who He is. He never changes. To God be the glory forever and ever no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in...Jesus is our only hope. He is our joy. He is our treasure. He is our reward. So why did God send me here? To put it simply and profoundly... for His glory.